Let me just say this right from the start: if you have one of those flexi-lead, extend-a-leash – whatever – type dog leashes (the ones with the plastic handle containing a twenty foot spool of nylon string): get rid of it. There’s almost no point to having a leash at all if you’re using one; in fact, it would be easier on the rest of us if you didn’t. My friend Nick (credit where credit’s due, though I’d really like to own this one) describes a dog on a flexi-lead as akin to “an ICBM* tied to a kite string.” Yep, that just about covers it.
The law in NYC and most other large cities says that a dog leash must be no more than six feet long. In my extensive experience, that’s just about perfect. A good sturdy leash of six feet is plenty to give you control and your dog a little leeway (although he really should be heeling, not wandering, the majority of the time). Flexi-leads provide absolutely zero control. The thin nylon line is completely inadequate for managing your dog in any type of situation. Furthermore, users of these contraptions tend to let their dogs wander in front of, or around, anyplace they please. They end up tripping and angering passersby, or getting tangled around the necks or legs of other dogs. In a panicky situation (which, as we all know, frequently occurs with excited dogs on flexi-leads), a dog or a small child caught up by the thin rope could be seriously wounded or garroted. These devices are impractical nuisances. Don’t use them. And if you must, then just don't do it anywhere near another living creature.
* In case you’re not a Cold War Kid, ICBM = Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile. You know, like the ones we have pointed at Russia.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Where to Go
So I’m sitting on my stoop, reading the latest issue of Cat Fancy [and if you believe that, have I got a bridge to sell you . . . ], my dog by my side, his head in my lap, when a guy with an assertive little male dog approaches and said dog proceeds to whiz all over my goddamned stoop! What the hell???!
I need several pairs of hands to count how many things are wrong with this offensive act, but it mainly serves to remind me that poop scoop laws aren’t quite enough. While there’s no way to enforce considerate behavior, there really are some things dog owners, as respectful, ethical people ought to consider beyond the scoop while their pet is doing what dogs do.
First, since it’s number one, let’s start with Number One. I know this is a tough one to control, especially depending on gender. Some female dogs are known to screech to a halt and pee with utmost urgency. It’s hard to stop that. But, with a little persistence, each time you can urge her closer and closer to the curb. Most females pee only once or twice a walk, and you can usually anticipate it. Eventually, being curbside will be habit and no one will have to trod through her puddle.
Males, on the other hand, are easier to control. Usually the first one or two pees are serious – they’re the relief stops. The rest are markings. When the dog peed on my stoop, he wasn’t relieving himself, he was marking his spot. In human terms, he was being a dick. If you can’t control this in your dog, then you have no control at all. Make him do that on the street side. Not on peoples’ homes. If you lived in the suburbs, would you allow your dog to go up and piss on someone’s screen door? Of course not. The stoop is the urban porch and deserves just as much reverence. Furthermore, when one dog marks it, every dog in the neighborhood follows suit, rendering said stoop unsittable.
Urban beauty should also be respected. Though this is sure to foment dissent, I have a hard time believing that dog urine kills trees. Were this true, there would be no more trees standing in the city, as they are under constant assault. Trees have strong, deep roots that seem to be able to handle the uric acid by the time it seeps down. Grass, flowers and young sapling trees, on the other hand, are not so robust. There’s plenty of visual evidence out there to back this up. Urine will burn out flowers in a planter in short order, and that’s a shame because there are a lot of people in the city trying to make their neighborhood look just a little bit nicer. So, when your dog is looking to lift his leg there, just yank him away. You’re really not inconveniencing him as much as he’d like you to think.
Oh, and as for the assertion that it’s rude for dogs to pee on garbage bags which are awaiting pickup by the sanitation department – what??? They pick up stinky, smelly, rotting garbage all day. Urine is the least of their worries. Perhaps you should avoid putting corpses in the bags they’re picking up; but really, in the scheme of things, pee is no big deal. You don’t want your dog doing it as they’re walking over to pick up the bag because that’s effrontery, an “in your face” move. That’s just rude.
But on to bigger, or rather more solid, things. Or, to keep to a theme, Number Two. I have to say, that apart from the odd idiot or two who doesn’t pick up after their dog, people are pretty good about controlling where their dog does this, with a couple notable exceptions. If you know that your dog has to go, or is about to go, try, just try, to avoid walking in front of the plate glass window of a restaurant. True, it’s not crystal blue ocean people are looking out on while they’re sitting in a New York restaurant, but when you’ve just ordered the boeuf bourginon and a dog squats and fouls just two feet from you and your date (particularly, god forbid, if you’re dining outdoors), it’s pretty much an appetite – and night – killer. So, really, there’s no reason we as dog owners need to do this. It’s not a law, but it’s sure as hell easy to avoid. It’s a basic courtesy. C’mon.
The other matter of matter is a little bit more difficult to manage. But, since we generally know when our pets are sick, it’s possible to react somewhat to a bad case of diarrhea. The problem is not being able to clean it up. So, what do you do? Well, since the city runs a street cleaner down most of its streets (but, curiously, not down the sidewalk) at least twice a week, then get the dog to be sick in the street. This applies to both vomiting and diarrhea. I know it’s not always easy to predict, but if you can, do it. If it does end up on the sidewalk, and is un-cleanable, then at least try to lay a couple pieces of newspaper on top of it so that no one trods through it. I know one woman who use to spray something every time her dog defecated on the street, and it always intrigued me as to what it might be. It made me wonder if the dog might have ebola, or some horrid contagious bacteria coming out of it. My guess was that she was spraying bleach. But, in a way, I think it might be worse to dump hydrochloric acid on the street than the more natural, bio-degradable fecal matter.
I’m sure you all have valuable tips when it comes to street relief, and I’d love to hear them. But, what’s most important, and the theme of all these entries, is to be a citizen of your community. Don’t let your dog mess where your neighbors are trying enjoy their lives.
I need several pairs of hands to count how many things are wrong with this offensive act, but it mainly serves to remind me that poop scoop laws aren’t quite enough. While there’s no way to enforce considerate behavior, there really are some things dog owners, as respectful, ethical people ought to consider beyond the scoop while their pet is doing what dogs do.
First, since it’s number one, let’s start with Number One. I know this is a tough one to control, especially depending on gender. Some female dogs are known to screech to a halt and pee with utmost urgency. It’s hard to stop that. But, with a little persistence, each time you can urge her closer and closer to the curb. Most females pee only once or twice a walk, and you can usually anticipate it. Eventually, being curbside will be habit and no one will have to trod through her puddle.
Males, on the other hand, are easier to control. Usually the first one or two pees are serious – they’re the relief stops. The rest are markings. When the dog peed on my stoop, he wasn’t relieving himself, he was marking his spot. In human terms, he was being a dick. If you can’t control this in your dog, then you have no control at all. Make him do that on the street side. Not on peoples’ homes. If you lived in the suburbs, would you allow your dog to go up and piss on someone’s screen door? Of course not. The stoop is the urban porch and deserves just as much reverence. Furthermore, when one dog marks it, every dog in the neighborhood follows suit, rendering said stoop unsittable.
Urban beauty should also be respected. Though this is sure to foment dissent, I have a hard time believing that dog urine kills trees. Were this true, there would be no more trees standing in the city, as they are under constant assault. Trees have strong, deep roots that seem to be able to handle the uric acid by the time it seeps down. Grass, flowers and young sapling trees, on the other hand, are not so robust. There’s plenty of visual evidence out there to back this up. Urine will burn out flowers in a planter in short order, and that’s a shame because there are a lot of people in the city trying to make their neighborhood look just a little bit nicer. So, when your dog is looking to lift his leg there, just yank him away. You’re really not inconveniencing him as much as he’d like you to think.
Oh, and as for the assertion that it’s rude for dogs to pee on garbage bags which are awaiting pickup by the sanitation department – what??? They pick up stinky, smelly, rotting garbage all day. Urine is the least of their worries. Perhaps you should avoid putting corpses in the bags they’re picking up; but really, in the scheme of things, pee is no big deal. You don’t want your dog doing it as they’re walking over to pick up the bag because that’s effrontery, an “in your face” move. That’s just rude.
But on to bigger, or rather more solid, things. Or, to keep to a theme, Number Two. I have to say, that apart from the odd idiot or two who doesn’t pick up after their dog, people are pretty good about controlling where their dog does this, with a couple notable exceptions. If you know that your dog has to go, or is about to go, try, just try, to avoid walking in front of the plate glass window of a restaurant. True, it’s not crystal blue ocean people are looking out on while they’re sitting in a New York restaurant, but when you’ve just ordered the boeuf bourginon and a dog squats and fouls just two feet from you and your date (particularly, god forbid, if you’re dining outdoors), it’s pretty much an appetite – and night – killer. So, really, there’s no reason we as dog owners need to do this. It’s not a law, but it’s sure as hell easy to avoid. It’s a basic courtesy. C’mon.
The other matter of matter is a little bit more difficult to manage. But, since we generally know when our pets are sick, it’s possible to react somewhat to a bad case of diarrhea. The problem is not being able to clean it up. So, what do you do? Well, since the city runs a street cleaner down most of its streets (but, curiously, not down the sidewalk) at least twice a week, then get the dog to be sick in the street. This applies to both vomiting and diarrhea. I know it’s not always easy to predict, but if you can, do it. If it does end up on the sidewalk, and is un-cleanable, then at least try to lay a couple pieces of newspaper on top of it so that no one trods through it. I know one woman who use to spray something every time her dog defecated on the street, and it always intrigued me as to what it might be. It made me wonder if the dog might have ebola, or some horrid contagious bacteria coming out of it. My guess was that she was spraying bleach. But, in a way, I think it might be worse to dump hydrochloric acid on the street than the more natural, bio-degradable fecal matter.
I’m sure you all have valuable tips when it comes to street relief, and I’d love to hear them. But, what’s most important, and the theme of all these entries, is to be a citizen of your community. Don’t let your dog mess where your neighbors are trying enjoy their lives.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Not That You Asked, But . . .
One of the worst aspects of being a new puppy owner is having to deal with all the knuckleheads who pounce on you with a thousand-and-one “do’s” and “don’ts”. People come out of every possible crevice to tell you stories and give you the most emphatic advice you’ve ever heard. More amusing -- and simultaneously depressing -- is that many of these sidewalk Cesars have never owned a dog in their life. They have a friend, who knows a guy, whose sister-in-law . . . .
The dogs don’t even need to be puppies. One chilly, but not impossibly cold winter day, as I walked a golden retriever, a cocker spaniel, and a standard poodle (all hearty, outdoor hunting breeds), a madman dressed in a business suit began loudly berating me for having the dogs out in the cold. “Do you have any clue what you’re talking about?” I asked, at equal volume, “It could be 30 degrees colder and these dogs would happily dive into a frozen lake, with no ill effects whatsoever.” He gaped at me, ignorance exposed, then blustered down the street trying to regain his self-sacrificed dignity.
But, I myself have to admit to being guilty of providing unsolicited advice on a regular basis. I guess it's because every time I see someone with a new puppy, I worry for the dog's well-being. There really are a lot of inexperienced and ill-informed pet owners out there. And, I usually have some experience backing up my words. The truth of the matter is, however, the owners didn't ask for my advice and probably didn't want it. I usually try to mitigate my intrusion by saying, "I don't mean to give you unsolicited advice, but . . . " which of course, I do mean to. I also like to qualify my unwanted counsel by saying something to the effect of, "I'm just saying this because I work with dogs on a daily basis, blah, blah, blah." It still doesn't give me the right to intrude, but at least they can consider the source of the information.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should either leave them alone, or give the new dog owners a chance to squirm away from our advice, even if we’re so bent on giving it. Say something like, “look, I know people are giving you tips all day long, but . . .” and then let them know, for what it’s worth, that they can take it or leave it. We know-it-alls are a pain in the ass, even if we really are right.
And, if you have no idea what you’re talking about, don’t say a word. Some rude bastard like me might call you on it.
The dogs don’t even need to be puppies. One chilly, but not impossibly cold winter day, as I walked a golden retriever, a cocker spaniel, and a standard poodle (all hearty, outdoor hunting breeds), a madman dressed in a business suit began loudly berating me for having the dogs out in the cold. “Do you have any clue what you’re talking about?” I asked, at equal volume, “It could be 30 degrees colder and these dogs would happily dive into a frozen lake, with no ill effects whatsoever.” He gaped at me, ignorance exposed, then blustered down the street trying to regain his self-sacrificed dignity.
But, I myself have to admit to being guilty of providing unsolicited advice on a regular basis. I guess it's because every time I see someone with a new puppy, I worry for the dog's well-being. There really are a lot of inexperienced and ill-informed pet owners out there. And, I usually have some experience backing up my words. The truth of the matter is, however, the owners didn't ask for my advice and probably didn't want it. I usually try to mitigate my intrusion by saying, "I don't mean to give you unsolicited advice, but . . . " which of course, I do mean to. I also like to qualify my unwanted counsel by saying something to the effect of, "I'm just saying this because I work with dogs on a daily basis, blah, blah, blah." It still doesn't give me the right to intrude, but at least they can consider the source of the information.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should either leave them alone, or give the new dog owners a chance to squirm away from our advice, even if we’re so bent on giving it. Say something like, “look, I know people are giving you tips all day long, but . . .” and then let them know, for what it’s worth, that they can take it or leave it. We know-it-alls are a pain in the ass, even if we really are right.
And, if you have no idea what you’re talking about, don’t say a word. Some rude bastard like me might call you on it.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Pointless Assist
Let's get something straight: if your "therapy" dog shows signs of aggression while it’s working – toward another dog, toward another human, toward a leaf – you don’t have a therapy dog. Period. I don’t care what you’re using it for, who licensed it, or how he’s just being “protective.” Just shut up. And don’t go trying to sue some entity for not allowing your “therapy” dog access.
Therapy dogs are amazing. They assist the blind, bring joy to the lives of terminally ill children, and provide much needed, life-enriching support to the emotionally unstable. Unfortunately, there is no true standardization process for certifying some types of canine support. The seeing-eye dog training programs are insanely detailed and rigorous. Can you imagine the disatrous outcomes if they weren't? I know someone who adopted the most incredibly well-trained black labrador who wasn't able to work as a seeing-eye dog because he was a little wonky on the stairs. Otherwise he was perfect. And there's no way you or I could recognize his shortcoming. But, this standard of perfection makes sense. No explanation necessary.
On the other hand, if you get your psychiatrist to say that Pookie is essential to your emotional well-being as you navigate through your daily routine, then you've got a ticket to bring your dog just about anywhere dogs aren't normally allowed. Yes, there's generally some basic training at ASPCA or Delta Society that you have to pass through; but, I've been to these classes -- they are not anywhere near as thorough as they could be. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for pushing the limits of the system; cheating it a little, if you will. If you live in a building that arbitrarily doesn't allow dogs, screw 'em! Fight these rules anyway you can -- first through legal channels, then by nefarious means, if necessary. And, I firmly believe dogs belong in bars and pubs, no questions asked. But, if you have a large, menacing looking beast that you plan on bringing on a bus or an airplane, then that dog had better have angels' wings sprouting out of its back. There's no better way for dog owners to have our already scant rights eroded even further than by routinely abusing or taking advantage of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Look, I've said it before: not everyone loves dogs. That's their right. They do have to co-exist with dogs assisting those with disabilities, however. That's the right of the disabled. But, if the dogs can't behave in public, those rights will be taken away.
So, let's just revist that opening sentence: if your therapy dog shows signs of aggression while it's working . . . it's not a therapy dog. Don't claim that it is. Go get it properly trained. Or, keep it as a pet and get another dog to provide your therapy. Period.
Therapy dogs are amazing. They assist the blind, bring joy to the lives of terminally ill children, and provide much needed, life-enriching support to the emotionally unstable. Unfortunately, there is no true standardization process for certifying some types of canine support. The seeing-eye dog training programs are insanely detailed and rigorous. Can you imagine the disatrous outcomes if they weren't? I know someone who adopted the most incredibly well-trained black labrador who wasn't able to work as a seeing-eye dog because he was a little wonky on the stairs. Otherwise he was perfect. And there's no way you or I could recognize his shortcoming. But, this standard of perfection makes sense. No explanation necessary.
On the other hand, if you get your psychiatrist to say that Pookie is essential to your emotional well-being as you navigate through your daily routine, then you've got a ticket to bring your dog just about anywhere dogs aren't normally allowed. Yes, there's generally some basic training at ASPCA or Delta Society that you have to pass through; but, I've been to these classes -- they are not anywhere near as thorough as they could be. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for pushing the limits of the system; cheating it a little, if you will. If you live in a building that arbitrarily doesn't allow dogs, screw 'em! Fight these rules anyway you can -- first through legal channels, then by nefarious means, if necessary. And, I firmly believe dogs belong in bars and pubs, no questions asked. But, if you have a large, menacing looking beast that you plan on bringing on a bus or an airplane, then that dog had better have angels' wings sprouting out of its back. There's no better way for dog owners to have our already scant rights eroded even further than by routinely abusing or taking advantage of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Look, I've said it before: not everyone loves dogs. That's their right. They do have to co-exist with dogs assisting those with disabilities, however. That's the right of the disabled. But, if the dogs can't behave in public, those rights will be taken away.
So, let's just revist that opening sentence: if your therapy dog shows signs of aggression while it's working . . . it's not a therapy dog. Don't claim that it is. Go get it properly trained. Or, keep it as a pet and get another dog to provide your therapy. Period.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Off the Hook
I know I’m offending some of my friends here, but I have to do it. Walking your dog off the leash in the middle of the city is about the stupidest thing you can do. Okay, okay we get it: your dog is the most amazing, well behaved dog on the planet. She doesn’t mess with other dogs, she never strays far away from you, and she most certainly never wanders out into the street. Except that she does. You know, just that once. The nature of the freak accident is that it’s that one-in-a-million shot. It’s the day you should’ve played the lottery instead. It’s the perfectly timed moment when the incredibly cautious bicyclist’s chain snaps, causing him to fall in front of the usually cautious truck driver who happens to swerve for a split second while changing radio stations, then whammo! and it’s all done.
There are a lot of reasons to not walk your dog off leash, and catastrophic accident is just the most extreme case. You simply don’t want to allow it to happen. You’d never forgive yourself. A more important reason not to walk your dog off leash is all the trouble you cause everyone else. Sorry to say, but there are still people in this city who are terrified of dogs. They have the right to walk down the street and not have to encounter even the friendliest of their nightmares trotting along untethered. There are also other, law-abiding dog owners who have the right to walk their dog down the street without it having to encounter a dog off-leash, causing their dog to lose its mind and composure. True, everyone should have a dog as mild mannered and well behaved as yours; but, as long as they have their dog on leash, they have a legal and moral right to not have their dog disturbed by yours, who isn’t.
I see the off-leash city dog as some attempt at a personal declaration of freedom. It’s the furry equivalent of buying a red corvette to staunch your midlife crisis. (Feel free to conduct the rest of your Freudian analysis here.) But, little red corvettes are fodder for Prince songs and sniggers into our sleeves as you cruise by. Dogs off leash are not. Deal with your psychic distress some other way. Not at the peril of your dear one, nor to the chagrin of others.
There are a lot of reasons to not walk your dog off leash, and catastrophic accident is just the most extreme case. You simply don’t want to allow it to happen. You’d never forgive yourself. A more important reason not to walk your dog off leash is all the trouble you cause everyone else. Sorry to say, but there are still people in this city who are terrified of dogs. They have the right to walk down the street and not have to encounter even the friendliest of their nightmares trotting along untethered. There are also other, law-abiding dog owners who have the right to walk their dog down the street without it having to encounter a dog off-leash, causing their dog to lose its mind and composure. True, everyone should have a dog as mild mannered and well behaved as yours; but, as long as they have their dog on leash, they have a legal and moral right to not have their dog disturbed by yours, who isn’t.
I see the off-leash city dog as some attempt at a personal declaration of freedom. It’s the furry equivalent of buying a red corvette to staunch your midlife crisis. (Feel free to conduct the rest of your Freudian analysis here.) But, little red corvettes are fodder for Prince songs and sniggers into our sleeves as you cruise by. Dogs off leash are not. Deal with your psychic distress some other way. Not at the peril of your dear one, nor to the chagrin of others.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Treats and Tribulations
First of all, in this entry I would like to thank all my readers (I can’t believe how many already!) for their feedback and support. It is wonderful encouragement and underlines for me the need to put this information out there. I guess this whole thing was borne out of the fact that dog walkers and owners frequently share these very common gripes with one another. I therefore am going to try to address, as often as possible, the issues you, gentle readers, bring up. To wit, reader (dog-ettiquist?) Allison writes and asks if I can’t address the issue of those who feed your dog, unprovoked, uninvited. “How can you keep your dog from gaining weight (and learning bad habits) . . .” she asks. Excellent question. Here are my thoughts and suggestions:
It’s important, at the very first, that we understand that treats are given with nothing but the very best intentions. For many of us, treats are the way to our hearts. This goes doubly (or more) for most dogs. We are a culture of love through nourishment. So, let’s all just stop ourselves a second before releasing the explosive outburst we have bubbling up (“What are you thinking! You can’t just give food to my dog without asking! What if I did that to your kid?!”). On the other hand, for those who find it necessary to feed these poor, undernourished, begging beasts, just what in the hell are you thinking?! We have all spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars (those of you with young dogs are still in the hundreds, probably) at the vet trying to rid our buddy of the diarrhea that kept us both up all night. How can you know if the dog you’re about to snack up doesn’t have chronic colitis, obesity issues, a begging problem (guilty!) or a bad reaction to certain kinds of treats? The answer is: you can’t. So don’t. Resist the temptation. But, if you must, before you even take the treat out of your pocket, look the owner squarely in the eye and ASK FIRST! Honestly, you could be sticking the owner with an enormous vet bill and the dog with ghastly discomfort. Satisfy your nurturing instincts either with permission or elsewhere. This isn’t like giving the fat neighbor kid yet another delicious chocolate. It’s potentially much more serious.
And this goes doubly for treats in the dog run. The list of problems grows greater here. Seriously, don’t bring treats to the dog run. If you’re treat-training your dog, fine. Be discreet. Away from the others, work with your dog, do nothing else, treat no one else. Owners generally don’t keep a sharp eye on their dogs in the run, and you could really be doing some harm. It’s not like the dog’s going to tell you about his restricted diet. I was in the Madison Square dog run once when a clearly emotionally unstable man came into the run, sans dog, with a rather sizeable bag of hot dogs to dole out. Fortunately, sharp eyes stopped him immediately. But, think about it. He could have had some sort of vendetta and loaded the hotdogs with even more unsavory ingredients than normal, with catastrophic results. Treats in the dog run is a no-no.
As for you morons who actually bring your own meal into the dog run and then complain when the dogs maul you for a bite of your Egg McMufin – are you f***ing kidding?! NO! Don’t even think of it. There’s no better way to start an all-out dog riot. And, if you’re that stupid, don’t you dare complain. That’s the dogs’ park. The one place they have in the city where their rights come first. It's actually posted on the front gate that food is not permitted, duh, but you shouldn't have to be told. I think they actually have a right to devour your entire hand if you dare to nosh in their playpen. Ever see the movie Grizzly Man? Yeah, you get the idea.
So, since people are going to continue to try to feed your dog whether or not they read this blog, here’s your easy way out. Just say, “I’m sorry, my dog has a nasty bout of diarrhea. She can’t have treats right now.” Yep, it’s a showstopper. People immediately lose their enthusiasm when you drop the D word. Everybody gets it. ‘Nuff said.
It’s important, at the very first, that we understand that treats are given with nothing but the very best intentions. For many of us, treats are the way to our hearts. This goes doubly (or more) for most dogs. We are a culture of love through nourishment. So, let’s all just stop ourselves a second before releasing the explosive outburst we have bubbling up (“What are you thinking! You can’t just give food to my dog without asking! What if I did that to your kid?!”). On the other hand, for those who find it necessary to feed these poor, undernourished, begging beasts, just what in the hell are you thinking?! We have all spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars (those of you with young dogs are still in the hundreds, probably) at the vet trying to rid our buddy of the diarrhea that kept us both up all night. How can you know if the dog you’re about to snack up doesn’t have chronic colitis, obesity issues, a begging problem (guilty!) or a bad reaction to certain kinds of treats? The answer is: you can’t. So don’t. Resist the temptation. But, if you must, before you even take the treat out of your pocket, look the owner squarely in the eye and ASK FIRST! Honestly, you could be sticking the owner with an enormous vet bill and the dog with ghastly discomfort. Satisfy your nurturing instincts either with permission or elsewhere. This isn’t like giving the fat neighbor kid yet another delicious chocolate. It’s potentially much more serious.
And this goes doubly for treats in the dog run. The list of problems grows greater here. Seriously, don’t bring treats to the dog run. If you’re treat-training your dog, fine. Be discreet. Away from the others, work with your dog, do nothing else, treat no one else. Owners generally don’t keep a sharp eye on their dogs in the run, and you could really be doing some harm. It’s not like the dog’s going to tell you about his restricted diet. I was in the Madison Square dog run once when a clearly emotionally unstable man came into the run, sans dog, with a rather sizeable bag of hot dogs to dole out. Fortunately, sharp eyes stopped him immediately. But, think about it. He could have had some sort of vendetta and loaded the hotdogs with even more unsavory ingredients than normal, with catastrophic results. Treats in the dog run is a no-no.
As for you morons who actually bring your own meal into the dog run and then complain when the dogs maul you for a bite of your Egg McMufin – are you f***ing kidding?! NO! Don’t even think of it. There’s no better way to start an all-out dog riot. And, if you’re that stupid, don’t you dare complain. That’s the dogs’ park. The one place they have in the city where their rights come first. It's actually posted on the front gate that food is not permitted, duh, but you shouldn't have to be told. I think they actually have a right to devour your entire hand if you dare to nosh in their playpen. Ever see the movie Grizzly Man? Yeah, you get the idea.
So, since people are going to continue to try to feed your dog whether or not they read this blog, here’s your easy way out. Just say, “I’m sorry, my dog has a nasty bout of diarrhea. She can’t have treats right now.” Yep, it’s a showstopper. People immediately lose their enthusiasm when you drop the D word. Everybody gets it. ‘Nuff said.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Greets on the Street
As a dog owner or a dog walker, one of the problems you encounter over and over is the “greet on the street.” There are times when you are happy to encounter another dog and its owner during your walk; times when you’d rather not, but you do anyway because you love your dog; and times when it’s just a really, really bad moment, no matter how you look at it.
Having a dog in the city creates so many wonderful opportunities. One goes from being an anonymous urbanite to “that guy with the dog.” You unexpectedly become a member of a community you didn’t know existed; many new, wonderful friendships are made; and, occasionally, even romance blooms. Some folks have been known to get dogs in part (hopefully, only “in part”) to enter this exciting dating pool. What better way is there to find a compassionate guy?
However, not everyone who owns a dog is interested expanding their social horizons. And embarrassingly, there are those out there who have never considered this possibility. Some dog owners are a little too enthusiastic about making new friends, either for themselves or their dogs. That said, here’s a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” one should seriously consider when encountering canines and their companions out on the street:
Having a dog in the city creates so many wonderful opportunities. One goes from being an anonymous urbanite to “that guy with the dog.” You unexpectedly become a member of a community you didn’t know existed; many new, wonderful friendships are made; and, occasionally, even romance blooms. Some folks have been known to get dogs in part (hopefully, only “in part”) to enter this exciting dating pool. What better way is there to find a compassionate guy?
However, not everyone who owns a dog is interested expanding their social horizons. And embarrassingly, there are those out there who have never considered this possibility. Some dog owners are a little too enthusiastic about making new friends, either for themselves or their dogs. That said, here’s a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” one should seriously consider when encountering canines and their companions out on the street:
- Do Not ever approach another dog from behind when the owner or the dog is unaware. Ever. You run the risk of startling dog, owner or both. Mayhem might very well ensue.
- Do get some sign of acknowledgment from the dog handler that approaching their dog is okay. This is one of the biggest areas of misunderstanding. Just because someone is walking their dog in an calm orderly manner, doesn’t mean that dog is approachable. You cannot possibly know if the dog you’re approaching is sick or aggressive, and you don’t want to find out either after it’s too late. There is also the possibility that the dog handler is sick, aggressive, indisposed (i.e. on the phone, trying to memorize lyrical poetry, daydreaming about lunch), or simply uninterested in interaction. It’s okay if they can’t interact with you. It’s not okay for you to not respect that. A simple question (“Is it okay for us to approach?”) or even an inquisitive look should suffice. It’s then the other party’s responsibility to say, “now’s not really a good time,” if that’s the case.
- Do Not, not even for a second, think that because someone has a pack of dogs it’s okay to barge into their pack with your dog. Even though dog walkers, or owners of multiple dogs, often look cool, calm and in control while walking their brood, they’ve usually got it just barely under control. The sudden introduction of your excited, energized dog will cause their dogs to be come excited and energized. It may very well also cause their handler’s arm to become separated from his shoulder. If he gets really angry with you because of this, you’ve probably earned it.
- Do Not allow your pooch to approach another in mid-poop. For dog’s sake, it’s just rude! I am not one to normally ascribe human emotions to animals, but in this case you can practically feel your dog’s mortification when another dog comes nosing around in mid-squat. It’s really gross and potentially unhealthy, as well.
- Do Not presume that all dogs walking down the sidewalk are going to behave properly, even if you’re not interested in interacting with them. Take a look at the dog, the owner. Read body language. If the approaching dog is in a state of agitation or excessive excitement, do your best to figure out which one of you is going to cross the street. A quick glance in the eyes of the approaching handler should help figure it out. If you see nothing, then cross the street or go around a parked car. There’s simply no point in allowing a confrontation to occur, no matter who’s right or who’s wrong.
- Do Not monopolize the entire sidewalk while your dog and his newly greeted friend are getting to know each other on the street. There are still non-dog owners using the sidewalk, and they’re probably not crazy about your dogs. Move off to the side of the sidewalk and let people pass.
- Do Not allow your dog to rush ahead of you to greet another dog unless both handlers and dogs are the best of friends. When a dog body meets a dog body coming through the rye, it should not take place like two wrestlers rushing to the middle of the ring. When your dog is out in front of you, you have very little control over it. It is also representing itself as the leader of your pack. Another dog might take this as a challenge and chaos might ensue. Approach another dog in the same manner in which you walk your dog: calmly, and by your side. Once the dogs are comfortably acquainted, let the sniffing, playing and wrestling begin!
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