Pointless Assist

Let's get something straight: if your "therapy" dog shows signs of aggression while it’s working – toward another dog, toward another human, toward a leaf – you don’t have a therapy dog. Period. I don’t care what you’re using it for, who licensed it, or how he’s just being “protective.” Just shut up. And don’t go trying to sue some entity for not allowing your “therapy” dog access.

Therapy dogs are amazing. They assist the blind, bring joy to the lives of terminally ill children, and provide much needed, life-enriching support to the emotionally unstable. Unfortunately, there is no true standardization process for certifying some types of canine support. The seeing-eye dog training programs are insanely detailed and rigorous. Can you imagine the disatrous outcomes if they weren't? I know someone who adopted the most incredibly well-trained black labrador who wasn't able to work as a seeing-eye dog because he was a little wonky on the stairs. Otherwise he was perfect. And there's no way you or I could recognize his shortcoming. But, this standard of perfection makes sense. No explanation necessary.

On the other hand, if you get your psychiatrist to say that Pookie is essential to your emotional well-being as you navigate through your daily routine, then you've got a ticket to bring your dog just about anywhere dogs aren't normally allowed. Yes, there's generally some basic training at ASPCA or Delta Society that you have to pass through; but, I've been to these classes -- they are not anywhere near as thorough as they could be. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for pushing the limits of the system; cheating it a little, if you will. If you live in a building that arbitrarily doesn't allow dogs, screw 'em! Fight these rules anyway you can -- first through legal channels, then by nefarious means, if necessary. And, I firmly believe dogs belong in bars and pubs, no questions asked. But, if you have a large, menacing looking beast that you plan on bringing on a bus or an airplane, then that dog had better have angels' wings sprouting out of its back. There's no better way for dog owners to have our already scant rights eroded even further than by routinely abusing or taking advantage of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Look, I've said it before: not everyone loves dogs. That's their right. They do have to co-exist with dogs assisting those with disabilities, however. That's the right of the disabled. But, if the dogs can't behave in public, those rights will be taken away.

So, let's just revist that opening sentence: if your therapy dog shows signs of aggression while it's working . . . it's not a therapy dog. Don't claim that it is. Go get it properly trained. Or, keep it as a pet and get another dog to provide your therapy. Period.

Off the Hook

I know I’m offending some of my friends here, but I have to do it. Walking your dog off the leash in the middle of the city is about the stupidest thing you can do. Okay, okay we get it: your dog is the most amazing, well behaved dog on the planet. She doesn’t mess with other dogs, she never strays far away from you, and she most certainly never wanders out into the street. Except that she does. You know, just that once. The nature of the freak accident is that it’s that one-in-a-million shot. It’s the day you should’ve played the lottery instead. It’s the perfectly timed moment when the incredibly cautious bicyclist’s chain snaps, causing him to fall in front of the usually cautious truck driver who happens to swerve for a split second while changing radio stations, then whammo! and it’s all done.

There are a lot of reasons to not walk your dog off leash, and catastrophic accident is just the most extreme case. You simply don’t want to allow it to happen. You’d never forgive yourself. A more important reason not to walk your dog off leash is all the trouble you cause everyone else. Sorry to say, but there are still people in this city who are terrified of dogs. They have the right to walk down the street and not have to encounter even the friendliest of their nightmares trotting along untethered. There are also other, law-abiding dog owners who have the right to walk their dog down the street without it having to encounter a dog off-leash, causing their dog to lose its mind and composure. True, everyone should have a dog as mild mannered and well behaved as yours; but, as long as they have their dog on leash, they have a legal and moral right to not have their dog disturbed by yours, who isn’t.

I see the off-leash city dog as some attempt at a personal declaration of freedom. It’s the furry equivalent of buying a red corvette to staunch your midlife crisis. (Feel free to conduct the rest of your Freudian analysis here.) But, little red corvettes are fodder for Prince songs and sniggers into our sleeves as you cruise by. Dogs off leash are not. Deal with your psychic distress some other way. Not at the peril of your dear one, nor to the chagrin of others.

Treats and Tribulations

First of all, in this entry I would like to thank all my readers (I can’t believe how many already!) for their feedback and support. It is wonderful encouragement and underlines for me the need to put this information out there. I guess this whole thing was borne out of the fact that dog walkers and owners frequently share these very common gripes with one another. I therefore am going to try to address, as often as possible, the issues you, gentle readers, bring up. To wit, reader (dog-ettiquist?) Allison writes and asks if I can’t address the issue of those who feed your dog, unprovoked, uninvited. “How can you keep your dog from gaining weight (and learning bad habits) . . .” she asks. Excellent question. Here are my thoughts and suggestions:

It’s important, at the very first, that we understand that treats are given with nothing but the very best intentions. For many of us, treats are the way to our hearts. This goes doubly (or more) for most dogs. We are a culture of love through nourishment. So, let’s all just stop ourselves a second before releasing the explosive outburst we have bubbling up (“What are you thinking! You can’t just give food to my dog without asking! What if I did that to your kid?!”). On the other hand, for those who find it necessary to feed these poor, undernourished, begging beasts, just what in the hell are you thinking?! We have all spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars (those of you with young dogs are still in the hundreds, probably) at the vet trying to rid our buddy of the diarrhea that kept us both up all night. How can you know if the dog you’re about to snack up doesn’t have chronic colitis, obesity issues, a begging problem (guilty!) or a bad reaction to certain kinds of treats? The answer is: you can’t. So don’t. Resist the temptation. But, if you must, before you even take the treat out of your pocket, look the owner squarely in the eye and ASK FIRST! Honestly, you could be sticking the owner with an enormous vet bill and the dog with ghastly discomfort. Satisfy your nurturing instincts either with permission or elsewhere. This isn’t like giving the fat neighbor kid yet another delicious chocolate. It’s potentially much more serious.

And this goes doubly for treats in the dog run. The list of problems grows greater here. Seriously, don’t bring treats to the dog run. If you’re treat-training your dog, fine. Be discreet. Away from the others, work with your dog, do nothing else, treat no one else. Owners generally don’t keep a sharp eye on their dogs in the run, and you could really be doing some harm. It’s not like the dog’s going to tell you about his restricted diet. I was in the Madison Square dog run once when a clearly emotionally unstable man came into the run, sans dog, with a rather sizeable bag of hot dogs to dole out. Fortunately, sharp eyes stopped him immediately. But, think about it. He could have had some sort of vendetta and loaded the hotdogs with even more unsavory ingredients than normal, with catastrophic results. Treats in the dog run is a no-no.

As for you morons who actually bring your own meal into the dog run and then complain when the dogs maul you for a bite of your Egg McMufin – are you f***ing kidding?! NO! Don’t even think of it. There’s no better way to start an all-out dog riot. And, if you’re that stupid, don’t you dare complain. That’s the dogs’ park. The one place they have in the city where their rights come first. It's actually posted on the front gate that food is not permitted, duh, but you shouldn't have to be told. I think they actually have a right to devour your entire hand if you dare to nosh in their playpen. Ever see the movie Grizzly Man? Yeah, you get the idea.

So, since people are going to continue to try to feed your dog whether or not they read this blog, here’s your easy way out. Just say, “I’m sorry, my dog has a nasty bout of diarrhea. She can’t have treats right now.” Yep, it’s a showstopper. People immediately lose their enthusiasm when you drop the D word. Everybody gets it. ‘Nuff said.

Greets on the Street

As a dog owner or a dog walker, one of the problems you encounter over and over is the “greet on the street.” There are times when you are happy to encounter another dog and its owner during your walk; times when you’d rather not, but you do anyway because you love your dog; and times when it’s just a really, really bad moment, no matter how you look at it.

Having a dog in the city creates so many wonderful opportunities. One goes from being an anonymous urbanite to “that guy with the dog.” You unexpectedly become a member of a community you didn’t know existed; many new, wonderful friendships are made; and, occasionally, even romance blooms. Some folks have been known to get dogs in part (hopefully, only “in part”) to enter this exciting dating pool. What better way is there to find a compassionate guy?

However, not everyone who owns a dog is interested expanding their social horizons. And embarrassingly, there are those out there who have never considered this possibility. Some dog owners are a little too enthusiastic about making new friends, either for themselves or their dogs. That said, here’s a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” one should seriously consider when encountering canines and their companions out on the street:

1. Do Not ever approach another dog from behind when the owner or the dog is unaware. Ever. You run the risk of startling dog, owner or both. Mayhem might very well ensue.

2. Do get some sign of acknowledgment from the dog handler that approaching their dog is okay. This is one of the biggest areas of misunderstanding. Just because someone is walking their dog in an calm orderly manner, doesn’t mean that dog is approachable. You cannot possibly know if the dog you’re approaching is sick or aggressive, and you don’t want to find out either after it’s too late. There is also the possibility that the dog handler is sick, aggressive, indisposed (i.e. on the phone, trying to memorize lyrical poetry, daydreaming about lunch), or simply uninterested in interaction. It’s okay if they can’t interact with you. It’s not okay for you to not respect that. A simple question (“Is it okay for us to approach?”) or even an inquisitive look should suffice. It’s then the other party’s responsibility to say, “now’s not really a good time,” if that’s the case.

3. Do Not, not even for a second, think that because someone has a pack of dogs it’s okay to barge into their pack with your dog. Even though dog walkers, or owners of multiple dogs, often look cool, calm and in control while walking their brood, they’ve usually got it just barely under control. The sudden introduction of your excited, energized dog will cause their dogs to be come excited and energized. It may very well also cause their handler’s arm to become separated from his shoulder. If he gets really angry with you because of this, you’ve probably earned it.

4. Do Not allow your pooch to approach another in mid-poop. For dog’s sake, it’s just rude! I am not one to normally ascribe human emotions to animals, but in this case you can practically feel your dog’s mortification when another dog comes nosing around in mid-squat. It’s really gross and potentially unhealthy, as well.

5. Do Not presume that all dogs walking down the sidewalk are going to behave properly, even if you’re not interested in interacting with them. Take a look at the dog, the owner. Read body language. If the approaching dog is in a state of agitation or excessive excitement, do your best to figure out which one of you is going to cross the street. A quick glance in the eyes of the approaching handler should help figure it out. If you see nothing, then cross the street or go around a parked car. There’s simply no point in allowing a confrontation to occur, no matter who’s right or who’s wrong.

6. Do Not monopolize the entire sidewalk while your dog and his newly greeted friend are getting to know each other on the street. There are still non-dog owners using the sidewalk, and they’re probably not crazy about your dogs. Move off to the side of the sidewalk and let people pass.

7. Do Not allow your dog to rush ahead of you to greet another dog unless both handlers and dogs are the best of friends. When a dog body meets a dog body coming through the rye, it should not take place like two wrestlers rushing to the middle of the ring. When your dog is out in front of you, you have very little control over it. It is also representing itself as the leader of your pack. Another dog might take this as a challenge and chaos might ensue. Approach another dog in the same manner in which you walk your dog: calmly, and by your side. Once the dogs are comfortably acquainted, let the sniffing, playing and wrestling begin!
   

Now get out there and meet some new dogs and new dog owners! Don’t forget your cell phone so you can trap those digits, you dog (owner) you!

Shit

Today I was inspired to write an entry upon seeing the lovely, pristine snow blanketing the city. And the horrible brown dots in it, which I noticed upon further inspection.

This is a simple post. Pick up your dog’s shit.

I don’t say this for the obvious reasons: it’s unsanitary, unsightly, disgusting, wrong, etc., to leave it where it plops. I say it mostly because it gives us all a bad name when you leave it. Watch people when they pass a pile of dogshit in the middle of the sidewalk, as they’re walking home from work or whatever. They’re disgusted, they’re angry, and they’re ready to take their frustration out on whoever could have caused that indiscretion. The first person they look at is the person with the dog. It doesn’t matter if this is one of those unthinkable situations when the foulness is not even canine issue. Dog owners are instantly blamed. And with reason, too.

The result is more hatred toward dogs and dog owners. We don’t want this. No matter how much we don’t really care what anyone else thinks, we don’t want more biased laws enacted which could limit our freedom and mobility. The simple solution is: pick up the shit.

Oh, and snow is no excuse. If your dog drops it into a snow bank, reach in there and pick it out. Snow melts and there it is, and then people get pissed off, even dog owners. Reach in, grab it. There’s usually a hole you can see right into. If you grab some snow, so what. No one was going to use that for skiing anyway. Pick it up. Don’t be lazy. As an added bonus, it'll warm your hand!

I know there are dogs out there that do what I call “the dribble poop” or the “horse poop.” You’re cruising along, having a nice walk, listening to your iPod or talking on the phone and the dog is kind enough not to interrupt. So, he just lets it go as he’s trotting along. One of my dogs, a rescued senior citizen Cocker Spaniel, does this all the time. Drives me bananas. Several times people have rushed up to me: “Sir, Sir!” And then they point. Mortifying (at the very least, I hate being called “sir;” my father is sir). Of course, I always oblige, go back and clean up the offense. I’m happy to.

The way to deal with this condition is pay attention. You’ll feel clues: a slight tug at the leash, a dash toward the sidewalk. Dogs always have patterns, for everything they do. Look back. You’re not out more than half an hour usually anyway. And if you’re in a dog run, you don’t really have to have eye contact with the person you’re gabbing with. Figure out the pattern, clean up the poop. It’s simple and it makes everyone happy. Or, at the very least, not disgusted. That goes a long way toward reducing the number of folks who hate dogs and dog owners. Consider this a lobbying effort.

Time to Get Started

I’ve been meaning to start this blog for some time, but it seems like it always takes an extraordinary event to spur action. Like the awful intersection about which people say, “there needs to be a stoplight here or someone is going to get killed,” the stoplight never gets put in place until someone is actually mowed down.

The stoplight in this case is proper dog handling. And the sad, unfortunate victim is Tinkerbell, the tiny, beloved Chihuahua who was frequently seen unpretentiously peeking out of a handbag, looking like a dwarf deer, her enormous brown eyes darting about curiously, yet cautiously.

What happened seems to have begun innocently enough: a group of dog owners were walking through the west side of Stuyvesant Square Park, near the Rutherford Street entrance, in the shadow of St. George’s Cathedral. They were approached by a German Shorthair Pointer, a new member of the community, an eight year old rescue from the country. The dog was acquired following the death in the same household of another German Shorthair, Buster, a long-time, three-legged cancer survivor with a lovely disposition. All dogs involved were on leash. Two of the three dogs in the first group excitedly approached the Pointer, who pulled forward to greet them, all of them familiar with one another. However, the Pointer spied the tiny Tinkerbell and apparently mistook her for park wildlife, grabbing her with lightening quickness, and shaking her as if she were a squirrel to be dispatched. A passing dog owner attempted to intervene and managed to kick the Pointer into dropping the seriously wounded Tinkerbell. She was rushed by car to Gramercy Veterinary Hospital, but bled to death from a bite into her heart before she could be saved.

The net result of all this is several broken, shattered hearts; anger; finger pointing; and questions about how to keep such a tragedy from occurring again. This is where this blog gets involved.

As a dog owner, walker and behavior modification specialist, I spend my day watching people mishandle their dogs. One might suggest that so long as no one treats their pet cruelly, they have a right to do as they please. Not so. By virtue of being a dog owner and, of necessity, walking that dog in public, one is forced into interactions with other individuals, dog owners and dogs themselves. Therefore, as there are ethical rules that govern our interactions with each other, there needs to be an understanding of ethics involved in handling our dogs and interacting with others handling dogs. This goes not only for dog owners, but for individuals without dogs who would like to interact with those who are handling dogs.