The Bark that Bites

Complaining about noise in New York City is pretty inane. All day and night New Yorkers are subject to a cacophony of unpleasant noises: honking taxis, blaring sirens, screaming lunatics and . . . barking dogs. It’s the soundscape of the city, part of what makes New York New York. To get upset about someone’s barking dog in the middle of the day (entirely acceptable in the middle of the night, by the way) is simply pathetic — but it’s something I’m upset about. Unnecessary barking really gets on my nerves.

I’m not upset about barking for obvious reasons, although I do sort of feel like reducing the noise level might make life in the city a tad less jarring. What bothers me about barking dogs is that it’s usually the sign of an undisciplined, and therefore unhappy, dog.

Occasionally dogs bark when they’re happy: when they see their favorite people after a prolonged absence, or maybe when they’re playing with another dog in the park. Incessant barking, however, is not healthy. It indicates the dog is distressed or neurotic.

I will allow that some dogs are barkers and it’s hard to stop them. So, what’s the solution?

Simple: make an effort.

The following are a few barking situations, and what owners should do about them, at a minimum:

Problem: Is your dog barking maniacally at others dogs as you stand on the corner while you wait for a traffic light, for example? Or when you’re seated at an outdoor restaurant (and how rude is that, that your dog goes nuts while people are trying to enjoy a meal)? What I usually see in this scenario is the owner who looks at the dog, then says in a resigned voice, “oh stop.” What are the chances the dog is going to stop?! Zero.

Solution: At a very least give the leash a sharp tug, tell the dog "no!" and make her sit. In the longer term, if your dog has serious problems, work with a trainer to get your dog to remain calm in these apparently stressful situations.


Problem: Your dog barks all day long while you’re at work, or when you go out for the evening. Your neighbors complain and your landlord has been issuing you warnings.

Solution: "I’m sorry, I can’t help it," or "I never hear it," doesn’t cut it. You need to be responsible to your neighbors, and you need a professional’s help. If you can’t afford a behaviorist, start by keeping your dog in a crate while you’re away. No arguments. Look it up in all the training books. It’s not cruel and it’s not going to make your dog sad — that’s you projecting your own neuroses. Get the crate. If it’s still a problem, then pay for a behaviorist – you’ve got problems and this is your responsibility. No excuses. This is not acceptable.


Problem: Your dogs are in the little fenced in area in front of your beautiful, multi-million dollar town house, sitting next to your nanny and your child, barking incessantly at apparently nothing. [Okay, this is clearly a personal peeve, but it’s still relevant.]

Solution: Take your dog inside. We are already a little resentful about your extravagant wealth. We don’t need the extra reminder of your existence. Have some respect for your community and go inside.


When I see a dog barking excessively and an owner watching passively, my first thought is that the owner’s negligence is bordering on abusive. My second thought that the owner has contempt for me and everyone nearby. There is nothing acceptable about this situation. If you’re letting this happen, you’re rude and disrespectful, and your dog is undisciplined. Behave!

For the Love of Dogs’ Daze

Before I get started with this week’s entry, I want to report on a tragedy and clarify a thing or two. Several of you wrote in remarking on the timeliness of my recent warning, regarding the dog that was killed after running out into the street from the Stuyvesant Square park’s dog run. A terrible tragedy to be sure, and some of you cursed the circumstances which led to it, believing it was a negligently opened gate. In this case, however, it is my understanding that the dog’s owner walked out the run with the dog deliberately off leash, whereupon the dog ran into the middle of East 15th Street as its very last act. But, it was my posting on the dangers of walking your dog off leash that this case harkens to, not the one about dog run gates. Sad, either way.


For the Love of Dogs’ Daze

So it’s the summer season again. With it a whole new selection of things for me to gripe about. But this one’s easy and it’s been done again and again. Yep, it’s all about dog safety in the heat.

We all know, but many still seem to ignore, the dire warnings about leaving dogs in your hot automobile during the summer. Heck, there’s even an emo band named for it. No, I’m not kidding. Go ahead and Google “Dogs Die in Hot Cars.” I’m not much of a fan and never really have figured out what “emo” means. But still.

Anyway, I think there are other heat risks that are more routinely ignored:

First, there’s simply walking around on an extremely hot day with your dog. The danger is greater than you know. Dogs are low to the ground and New York City streets radiate heat like a clay oven. I’ve even seen dogs' feet stick into the softening tar as we cross the street. I’d never dream of walking through New York barefoot like my dogs do, but I can’t imagine how horrible that must feel. But, yeah, the dog’s got to go out, do his business, etc. Well, fine. Keep it to the shady side of the street at a time of the day when there is a shady side (e.g. not when the sun is straight overhead), bring water for him to drink with you, and when you get home either use a towel or the tub to wet his undercarriage – that’s the part that’s really, really hot. And stay out a fraction of the time you’d normally stay out. A few summers back, in the midst of a terrible heat wave, I heard about two different bulldogs who collapsed and died due to heat exhaustion. Yes, that’s right: collapsed and died. Bulldogs were man crafted/evolved for purposes other than basic survival (barbaric sport, in fact). Their short snouts and under bites do not lend well to the whole respiration process. If you have a bulldog, don’t go out in the heat — period. Go out, let her pee, take her back in. Wait til it’s dark for further activity, and make sure she stays cool.

The other summertime dog risk is air travel. If your dog is small enough to travel in the cabin with you, go ahead I guess. It’s a bit decadent, but whatever. But, if your dog is of a size that it has to travel in the cargo hold, don’t do it! ASPCA research has shown that 5,000 pets die or are injured every year in airplane cargo bays. Every year! That’s crazy. And guess what those injuries are like? Imagine: severe burns from being close to engine parts; severe overheating from temperatures above 140 degrees while the plane sits on the tarmac (and causes brain damage in your pet); suffocation; and all kinds of ugliness from sudden loss of cabin pressure. Want to take a shot at torturing your dog? This is how you do it.

There are plenty of boarding services, or friends you with whom you can leave your dog. If you’re going away for longer than a couple weeks and really need to have your dog with you, then drive wherever you’re going. Seriously. Unfortunately, Amtrak doesn’t yet allow dogs, but hopefully one day they will. There’s also the brand new “Pet Airways” (look it up, I’m not going to shill for them by giving them a direct link here – not til they start paying me to do so) which allows any size pet to fly in the main cabin. If you’ve got to do it, this is the only way. Just don’t put your pet in the cargo hold. Please. I’m asking on behalf of your dog.

Good Will Punting

I’m on the side of the vast majority of dog owners who feel utterly indignant when not allowed into an establishment – a pharmacy, a café, a bodega -- with their dog. But, I do understand that the law is the law. If a place serves or sells food, then technically, health department code prohibits animals. Ironic, really, when you consider that most of us wouldn’t go into a corner deli that didn’t have a good mouser living on the premises. I’ll take cat hair over vermin any day.

But, thankfully, there are kind shopkeepers who share our love of dogs (or the contents of our wallets maybe) and allow us in. To these people we should be grateful and our conduct should be gracious. What that means is that if the Duane Reade drugstore on the corner allows dogs, great! But don’t take advantage of their good nature. Don’t walk in with four dogs, even if it happens to be you and three of your friends with their own dogs. The group assault on a store only serves to piss off non-dog owners, who might then complain to the store or the health department. Keep in mind that the store owners are allowing you in at great punitive and financial risk.

Dogs are officially banned from food-selling establishment primarily for sanitary reasons. So, it’s mind blowing to me that some dog owners appear completely unfazed and take no responsibility when their dog pees or has an accident in a store. For crying out loud, is there a more direct way to look a gift horse in the mouth?

It’s also particularly galling to see people march right into a coffee shop with their accessory/dog. Just because the dog is small and the owner is attractive, it’s not any less illegal. A small espresso shop can be pretty well wiped out by a $1500 health department fine. The inspectors don’t give a damn about the arrogance that led the princess to traipse in with her frou-frou little cur. In fact, they won’t punish her at all. Instead, the café will take the hit. One or two of these fines could potentially bankrupt the business, or result in an employee losing his or her job.

The same courtesies should apply to buildings which allow dog walkers to bring in non-resident dogs to pick up another client. Walking in with one or two dogs is reasonable enough, but when a dog walker comes in with a raft of seven or eight dogs, and isn’t using the service elevator, then he’s pushing the boundaries. It’s only a matter of time before outside dogs are banned from the building altogether.

In a perfect world – or Paris – our dogs are allowed to accompany us just about anywhere we go. It seems reasonable enough to anyone who owns a dog. But, unfortunately, not to the majority of the remaining population. As frustrating as it may be, we need to take the liberties we get while being cautious not to abuse them. Soon enough, we may have none at all.

Run Rules – Part I

I’m going to do a series of blog entries on dog run etiquette. I shouldn’t really have to do this because the rules are already posted at the runs themselves; but, the fact is people tend to ignore these very important rules and guidelines — frequently at the peril of all the dogs in the run. I’ve already addressed, under a different heading, the issue of bringing food into dog runs, but today I’m going to discuss a far more important issue:

Bumblebrains at the Gates!

Any decent dog run worth using has a set of double gates for entering and leaving. The reason is quite obvious: SAFETY. It’s kind of like those airlocks in space ships. If there is only one door, then whoosh, everything is swept away into the universe the first time the door is open. Same goes for dog runs. If a single door is opened as you’re trying to get into the run, then as quickly as you can yell, "hey get back here!" two or three little dogs have scampered free, much to the distress and panic of their owners. This is particularly perilous in the city, where the street and traffic is mere yards, or feet, away.

So, this all makes sense, right? Simple and straightforward, right? Well, for some reason many people don’t seem to grasp this very basic concept. When I go to a run, I notice that about 60% of the people going in and out will open one gate while the other is already open; frequently, people just leave the interior door wide open, thus completely negating the value of a double gate, leaving your dog in peril.

This blog entry isn’t merely about nuisance, for a change. It’s about saving lives. It takes one, just one, instance of errant use of the double gate system to get a dog killed. Therefore, I’m going to ask you, dear readers, who I’m sure are dedicated gate closers already, to become gate vigilantes. I know it’s tempting to scream, “hey moron, close the goddamned gate!” But, for once I have to say that pissing people off is not the proper protocol. Approach those who enter the gates incorrectly (especially those who insist on bringing errant teens and children into the run with them) and, with all the diplomacy you can muster, calmly explain that someone’s dear, beloved pet — perhaps even theirs — could end up splattered on the avenue unless they use the system properly. Point out how having both doors open simultaneously leaves a big gaping hole out of which a crafty canine can quickly slip.

Incidentally, this also goes for parks that have single gates (at other entry points) which explicitly state “Do Not Use This Gate,” which some folks go right through, signs be damned. Go over and tell them — again, politely, calmly — why that’s a really, really bad idea.

Look, I know we can't stop all gate abusers, but just think: If you change that one person's behavior, perhaps you will have altered the course of history in some small way, prevented a devastating tragedy and kept someone's heart intact.

Inflexible

Let me just say this right from the start: if you have one of those flexi-lead, extend-a-leash – whatever – type dog leashes (the ones with the plastic handle containing a twenty foot spool of nylon string): get rid of it. There’s almost no point to having a leash at all if you’re using one; in fact, it would be easier on the rest of us if you didn’t. My friend Nick (credit where credit’s due, though I’d really like to own this one) describes a dog on a flexi-lead as akin to “an ICBM* tied to a kite string.” Yep, that just about covers it.


The law in NYC and most other large cities says that a dog leash must be no more than six feet long. In my extensive experience, that’s just about perfect. A good sturdy leash of six feet is plenty to give you control and your dog a little leeway (although he really should be heeling, not wandering, the majority of the time). Flexi-leads provide absolutely zero control. The thin nylon line is completely inadequate for managing your dog in any type of situation. Furthermore, users of these contraptions tend to let their dogs wander in front of, or around, anyplace they please. They end up tripping and angering passersby, or getting tangled around the necks or legs of other dogs. In a panicky situation (which, as we all know, frequently occurs with excited dogs on flexi-leads), a dog or a small child caught up by the thin rope could be seriously wounded or garroted. These devices are impractical nuisances. Don’t use them. And if you must, then just don't do it anywhere near another living creature.


* In case you’re not a Cold War Kid, ICBM = Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile. You know, like the ones we have pointed at Russia.

Where to Go

So I’m sitting on my stoop, reading the latest issue of Cat Fancy [and if you believe that, have I got a bridge to sell you . . . ], my dog by my side, his head in my lap, when a guy with an assertive little male dog approaches and said dog proceeds to whiz all over my goddamned stoop! What the hell???!

I need several pairs of hands to count how many things are wrong with this offensive act, but it mainly serves to remind me that poop scoop laws aren’t quite enough. While there’s no way to enforce considerate behavior, there really are some things dog owners, as respectful, ethical people ought to consider beyond the scoop while their pet is doing what dogs do.

First, since it’s number one, let’s start with Number One. I know this is a tough one to control, especially depending on gender. Some female dogs are known to screech to a halt and pee with utmost urgency. It’s hard to stop that. But, with a little persistence, each time you can urge her closer and closer to the curb. Most females pee only once or twice a walk, and you can usually anticipate it. Eventually, being curbside will be habit and no one will have to trod through her puddle.

Males, on the other hand, are easier to control. Usually the first one or two pees are serious – they’re the relief stops. The rest are markings. When the dog peed on my stoop, he wasn’t relieving himself, he was marking his spot. In human terms, he was being a dick. If you can’t control this in your dog, then you have no control at all. Make him do that on the street side. Not on peoples’ homes. If you lived in the suburbs, would you allow your dog to go up and piss on someone’s screen door? Of course not. The stoop is the urban porch and deserves just as much reverence. Furthermore, when one dog marks it, every dog in the neighborhood follows suit, rendering said stoop unsittable.

Urban beauty should also be respected. Though this is sure to foment dissent, I have a hard time believing that dog urine kills trees. Were this true, there would be no more trees standing in the city, as they are under constant assault. Trees have strong, deep roots that seem to be able to handle the uric acid by the time it seeps down. Grass, flowers and young sapling trees, on the other hand, are not so robust. There’s plenty of visual evidence out there to back this up. Urine will burn out flowers in a planter in short order, and that’s a shame because there are a lot of people in the city trying to make their neighborhood look just a little bit nicer. So, when your dog is looking to lift his leg there, just yank him away. You’re really not inconveniencing him as much as he’d like you to think.

Oh, and as for the assertion that it’s rude for dogs to pee on garbage bags which are awaiting pickup by the sanitation department – what??? They pick up stinky, smelly, rotting garbage all day. Urine is the least of their worries. Perhaps you should avoid putting corpses in the bags they’re picking up; but really, in the scheme of things, pee is no big deal. You don’t want your dog doing it as they’re walking over to pick up the bag because that’s effrontery, an “in your face” move. That’s just rude.

But on to bigger, or rather more solid, things. Or, to keep to a theme, Number Two. I have to say, that apart from the odd idiot or two who doesn’t pick up after their dog, people are pretty good about controlling where their dog does this, with a couple notable exceptions. If you know that your dog has to go, or is about to go, try, just try, to avoid walking in front of the plate glass window of a restaurant. True, it’s not crystal blue ocean people are looking out on while they’re sitting in a New York restaurant, but when you’ve just ordered the boeuf bourginon and a dog squats and fouls just two feet from you and your date (particularly, god forbid, if you’re dining outdoors), it’s pretty much an appetite – and night – killer. So, really, there’s no reason we as dog owners need to do this. It’s not a law, but it’s sure as hell easy to avoid. It’s a basic courtesy. C’mon.

The other matter of matter is a little bit more difficult to manage. But, since we generally know when our pets are sick, it’s possible to react somewhat to a bad case of diarrhea. The problem is not being able to clean it up. So, what do you do? Well, since the city runs a street cleaner down most of its streets (but, curiously, not down the sidewalk) at least twice a week, then get the dog to be sick in the street. This applies to both vomiting and diarrhea. I know it’s not always easy to predict, but if you can, do it. If it does end up on the sidewalk, and is un-cleanable, then at least try to lay a couple pieces of newspaper on top of it so that no one trods through it. I know one woman who use to spray something every time her dog defecated on the street, and it always intrigued me as to what it might be. It made me wonder if the dog might have ebola, or some horrid contagious bacteria coming out of it. My guess was that she was spraying bleach. But, in a way, I think it might be worse to dump hydrochloric acid on the street than the more natural, bio-degradable fecal matter.

I’m sure you all have valuable tips when it comes to street relief, and I’d love to hear them. But, what’s most important, and the theme of all these entries, is to be a citizen of your community. Don’t let your dog mess where your neighbors are trying enjoy their lives.

Not That You Asked, But . . .

One of the worst aspects of being a new puppy owner is having to deal with all the knuckleheads who pounce on you with a thousand-and-one “do’s” and “don’ts”. People come out of every possible crevice to tell you stories and give you the most emphatic advice you’ve ever heard. More amusing -- and simultaneously depressing -- is that many of these sidewalk Cesars have never owned a dog in their life. They have a friend, who knows a guy, whose sister-in-law . . . .

The dogs don’t even need to be puppies. One chilly, but not impossibly cold winter day, as I walked a golden retriever, a cocker spaniel, and a standard poodle (all hearty, outdoor hunting breeds), a madman dressed in a business suit began loudly berating me for having the dogs out in the cold. “Do you have any clue what you’re talking about?” I asked, at equal volume, “It could be 30 degrees colder and these dogs would happily dive into a frozen lake, with no ill effects whatsoever.” He gaped at me, ignorance exposed, then blustered down the street trying to regain his self-sacrificed dignity.

But, I myself have to admit to being guilty of providing unsolicited advice on a regular basis. I guess it's because every time I see someone with a new puppy, I worry for the dog's well-being. There really are a lot of inexperienced and ill-informed pet owners out there. And, I usually have some experience backing up my words. The truth of the matter is, however, the owners didn't ask for my advice and probably didn't want it. I usually try to mitigate my intrusion by saying, "I don't mean to give you unsolicited advice, but . . . " which of course, I do mean to. I also like to qualify my unwanted counsel by saying something to the effect of, "I'm just saying this because I work with dogs on a daily basis, blah, blah, blah." It still doesn't give me the right to intrude, but at least they can consider the source of the information.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should either leave them alone, or give the new dog owners a chance to squirm away from our advice, even if we’re so bent on giving it. Say something like, “look, I know people are giving you tips all day long, but . . .” and then let them know, for what it’s worth, that they can take it or leave it. We know-it-alls are a pain in the ass, even if we really are right.

And, if you have no idea what you’re talking about, don’t say a word. Some rude bastard like me might call you on it.

Pointless Assist

Let's get something straight: if your "therapy" dog shows signs of aggression while it’s working – toward another dog, toward another human, toward a leaf – you don’t have a therapy dog. Period. I don’t care what you’re using it for, who licensed it, or how he’s just being “protective.” Just shut up. And don’t go trying to sue some entity for not allowing your “therapy” dog access.

Therapy dogs are amazing. They assist the blind, bring joy to the lives of terminally ill children, and provide much needed, life-enriching support to the emotionally unstable. Unfortunately, there is no true standardization process for certifying some types of canine support. The seeing-eye dog training programs are insanely detailed and rigorous. Can you imagine the disatrous outcomes if they weren't? I know someone who adopted the most incredibly well-trained black labrador who wasn't able to work as a seeing-eye dog because he was a little wonky on the stairs. Otherwise he was perfect. And there's no way you or I could recognize his shortcoming. But, this standard of perfection makes sense. No explanation necessary.

On the other hand, if you get your psychiatrist to say that Pookie is essential to your emotional well-being as you navigate through your daily routine, then you've got a ticket to bring your dog just about anywhere dogs aren't normally allowed. Yes, there's generally some basic training at ASPCA or Delta Society that you have to pass through; but, I've been to these classes -- they are not anywhere near as thorough as they could be. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for pushing the limits of the system; cheating it a little, if you will. If you live in a building that arbitrarily doesn't allow dogs, screw 'em! Fight these rules anyway you can -- first through legal channels, then by nefarious means, if necessary. And, I firmly believe dogs belong in bars and pubs, no questions asked. But, if you have a large, menacing looking beast that you plan on bringing on a bus or an airplane, then that dog had better have angels' wings sprouting out of its back. There's no better way for dog owners to have our already scant rights eroded even further than by routinely abusing or taking advantage of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Look, I've said it before: not everyone loves dogs. That's their right. They do have to co-exist with dogs assisting those with disabilities, however. That's the right of the disabled. But, if the dogs can't behave in public, those rights will be taken away.

So, let's just revist that opening sentence: if your therapy dog shows signs of aggression while it's working . . . it's not a therapy dog. Don't claim that it is. Go get it properly trained. Or, keep it as a pet and get another dog to provide your therapy. Period.

Off the Hook

I know I’m offending some of my friends here, but I have to do it. Walking your dog off the leash in the middle of the city is about the stupidest thing you can do. Okay, okay we get it: your dog is the most amazing, well behaved dog on the planet. She doesn’t mess with other dogs, she never strays far away from you, and she most certainly never wanders out into the street. Except that she does. You know, just that once. The nature of the freak accident is that it’s that one-in-a-million shot. It’s the day you should’ve played the lottery instead. It’s the perfectly timed moment when the incredibly cautious bicyclist’s chain snaps, causing him to fall in front of the usually cautious truck driver who happens to swerve for a split second while changing radio stations, then whammo! and it’s all done.

There are a lot of reasons to not walk your dog off leash, and catastrophic accident is just the most extreme case. You simply don’t want to allow it to happen. You’d never forgive yourself. A more important reason not to walk your dog off leash is all the trouble you cause everyone else. Sorry to say, but there are still people in this city who are terrified of dogs. They have the right to walk down the street and not have to encounter even the friendliest of their nightmares trotting along untethered. There are also other, law-abiding dog owners who have the right to walk their dog down the street without it having to encounter a dog off-leash, causing their dog to lose its mind and composure. True, everyone should have a dog as mild mannered and well behaved as yours; but, as long as they have their dog on leash, they have a legal and moral right to not have their dog disturbed by yours, who isn’t.

I see the off-leash city dog as some attempt at a personal declaration of freedom. It’s the furry equivalent of buying a red corvette to staunch your midlife crisis. (Feel free to conduct the rest of your Freudian analysis here.) But, little red corvettes are fodder for Prince songs and sniggers into our sleeves as you cruise by. Dogs off leash are not. Deal with your psychic distress some other way. Not at the peril of your dear one, nor to the chagrin of others.

Treats and Tribulations

First of all, in this entry I would like to thank all my readers (I can’t believe how many already!) for their feedback and support. It is wonderful encouragement and underlines for me the need to put this information out there. I guess this whole thing was borne out of the fact that dog walkers and owners frequently share these very common gripes with one another. I therefore am going to try to address, as often as possible, the issues you, gentle readers, bring up. To wit, reader (dog-ettiquist?) Allison writes and asks if I can’t address the issue of those who feed your dog, unprovoked, uninvited. “How can you keep your dog from gaining weight (and learning bad habits) . . .” she asks. Excellent question. Here are my thoughts and suggestions:

It’s important, at the very first, that we understand that treats are given with nothing but the very best intentions. For many of us, treats are the way to our hearts. This goes doubly (or more) for most dogs. We are a culture of love through nourishment. So, let’s all just stop ourselves a second before releasing the explosive outburst we have bubbling up (“What are you thinking! You can’t just give food to my dog without asking! What if I did that to your kid?!”). On the other hand, for those who find it necessary to feed these poor, undernourished, begging beasts, just what in the hell are you thinking?! We have all spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars (those of you with young dogs are still in the hundreds, probably) at the vet trying to rid our buddy of the diarrhea that kept us both up all night. How can you know if the dog you’re about to snack up doesn’t have chronic colitis, obesity issues, a begging problem (guilty!) or a bad reaction to certain kinds of treats? The answer is: you can’t. So don’t. Resist the temptation. But, if you must, before you even take the treat out of your pocket, look the owner squarely in the eye and ASK FIRST! Honestly, you could be sticking the owner with an enormous vet bill and the dog with ghastly discomfort. Satisfy your nurturing instincts either with permission or elsewhere. This isn’t like giving the fat neighbor kid yet another delicious chocolate. It’s potentially much more serious.

And this goes doubly for treats in the dog run. The list of problems grows greater here. Seriously, don’t bring treats to the dog run. If you’re treat-training your dog, fine. Be discreet. Away from the others, work with your dog, do nothing else, treat no one else. Owners generally don’t keep a sharp eye on their dogs in the run, and you could really be doing some harm. It’s not like the dog’s going to tell you about his restricted diet. I was in the Madison Square dog run once when a clearly emotionally unstable man came into the run, sans dog, with a rather sizeable bag of hot dogs to dole out. Fortunately, sharp eyes stopped him immediately. But, think about it. He could have had some sort of vendetta and loaded the hotdogs with even more unsavory ingredients than normal, with catastrophic results. Treats in the dog run is a no-no.

As for you morons who actually bring your own meal into the dog run and then complain when the dogs maul you for a bite of your Egg McMufin – are you f***ing kidding?! NO! Don’t even think of it. There’s no better way to start an all-out dog riot. And, if you’re that stupid, don’t you dare complain. That’s the dogs’ park. The one place they have in the city where their rights come first. It's actually posted on the front gate that food is not permitted, duh, but you shouldn't have to be told. I think they actually have a right to devour your entire hand if you dare to nosh in their playpen. Ever see the movie Grizzly Man? Yeah, you get the idea.

So, since people are going to continue to try to feed your dog whether or not they read this blog, here’s your easy way out. Just say, “I’m sorry, my dog has a nasty bout of diarrhea. She can’t have treats right now.” Yep, it’s a showstopper. People immediately lose their enthusiasm when you drop the D word. Everybody gets it. ‘Nuff said.

Greets on the Street

As a dog owner or a dog walker, one of the problems you encounter over and over is the “greet on the street.” There are times when you are happy to encounter another dog and its owner during your walk; times when you’d rather not, but you do anyway because you love your dog; and times when it’s just a really, really bad moment, no matter how you look at it.

Having a dog in the city creates so many wonderful opportunities. One goes from being an anonymous urbanite to “that guy with the dog.” You unexpectedly become a member of a community you didn’t know existed; many new, wonderful friendships are made; and, occasionally, even romance blooms. Some folks have been known to get dogs in part (hopefully, only “in part”) to enter this exciting dating pool. What better way is there to find a compassionate guy?

However, not everyone who owns a dog is interested expanding their social horizons. And embarrassingly, there are those out there who have never considered this possibility. Some dog owners are a little too enthusiastic about making new friends, either for themselves or their dogs. That said, here’s a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” one should seriously consider when encountering canines and their companions out on the street:

1. Do Not ever approach another dog from behind when the owner or the dog is unaware. Ever. You run the risk of startling dog, owner or both. Mayhem might very well ensue.

2. Do get some sign of acknowledgment from the dog handler that approaching their dog is okay. This is one of the biggest areas of misunderstanding. Just because someone is walking their dog in an calm orderly manner, doesn’t mean that dog is approachable. You cannot possibly know if the dog you’re approaching is sick or aggressive, and you don’t want to find out either after it’s too late. There is also the possibility that the dog handler is sick, aggressive, indisposed (i.e. on the phone, trying to memorize lyrical poetry, daydreaming about lunch), or simply uninterested in interaction. It’s okay if they can’t interact with you. It’s not okay for you to not respect that. A simple question (“Is it okay for us to approach?”) or even an inquisitive look should suffice. It’s then the other party’s responsibility to say, “now’s not really a good time,” if that’s the case.

3. Do Not, not even for a second, think that because someone has a pack of dogs it’s okay to barge into their pack with your dog. Even though dog walkers, or owners of multiple dogs, often look cool, calm and in control while walking their brood, they’ve usually got it just barely under control. The sudden introduction of your excited, energized dog will cause their dogs to be come excited and energized. It may very well also cause their handler’s arm to become separated from his shoulder. If he gets really angry with you because of this, you’ve probably earned it.

4. Do Not allow your pooch to approach another in mid-poop. For dog’s sake, it’s just rude! I am not one to normally ascribe human emotions to animals, but in this case you can practically feel your dog’s mortification when another dog comes nosing around in mid-squat. It’s really gross and potentially unhealthy, as well.

5. Do Not presume that all dogs walking down the sidewalk are going to behave properly, even if you’re not interested in interacting with them. Take a look at the dog, the owner. Read body language. If the approaching dog is in a state of agitation or excessive excitement, do your best to figure out which one of you is going to cross the street. A quick glance in the eyes of the approaching handler should help figure it out. If you see nothing, then cross the street or go around a parked car. There’s simply no point in allowing a confrontation to occur, no matter who’s right or who’s wrong.

6. Do Not monopolize the entire sidewalk while your dog and his newly greeted friend are getting to know each other on the street. There are still non-dog owners using the sidewalk, and they’re probably not crazy about your dogs. Move off to the side of the sidewalk and let people pass.

7. Do Not allow your dog to rush ahead of you to greet another dog unless both handlers and dogs are the best of friends. When a dog body meets a dog body coming through the rye, it should not take place like two wrestlers rushing to the middle of the ring. When your dog is out in front of you, you have very little control over it. It is also representing itself as the leader of your pack. Another dog might take this as a challenge and chaos might ensue. Approach another dog in the same manner in which you walk your dog: calmly, and by your side. Once the dogs are comfortably acquainted, let the sniffing, playing and wrestling begin!
   

Now get out there and meet some new dogs and new dog owners! Don’t forget your cell phone so you can trap those digits, you dog (owner) you!

Shit

Today I was inspired to write an entry upon seeing the lovely, pristine snow blanketing the city. And the horrible brown dots in it, which I noticed upon further inspection.

This is a simple post. Pick up your dog’s shit.

I don’t say this for the obvious reasons: it’s unsanitary, unsightly, disgusting, wrong, etc., to leave it where it plops. I say it mostly because it gives us all a bad name when you leave it. Watch people when they pass a pile of dogshit in the middle of the sidewalk, as they’re walking home from work or whatever. They’re disgusted, they’re angry, and they’re ready to take their frustration out on whoever could have caused that indiscretion. The first person they look at is the person with the dog. It doesn’t matter if this is one of those unthinkable situations when the foulness is not even canine issue. Dog owners are instantly blamed. And with reason, too.

The result is more hatred toward dogs and dog owners. We don’t want this. No matter how much we don’t really care what anyone else thinks, we don’t want more biased laws enacted which could limit our freedom and mobility. The simple solution is: pick up the shit.

Oh, and snow is no excuse. If your dog drops it into a snow bank, reach in there and pick it out. Snow melts and there it is, and then people get pissed off, even dog owners. Reach in, grab it. There’s usually a hole you can see right into. If you grab some snow, so what. No one was going to use that for skiing anyway. Pick it up. Don’t be lazy. As an added bonus, it'll warm your hand!

I know there are dogs out there that do what I call “the dribble poop” or the “horse poop.” You’re cruising along, having a nice walk, listening to your iPod or talking on the phone and the dog is kind enough not to interrupt. So, he just lets it go as he’s trotting along. One of my dogs, a rescued senior citizen Cocker Spaniel, does this all the time. Drives me bananas. Several times people have rushed up to me: “Sir, Sir!” And then they point. Mortifying (at the very least, I hate being called “sir;” my father is sir). Of course, I always oblige, go back and clean up the offense. I’m happy to.

The way to deal with this condition is pay attention. You’ll feel clues: a slight tug at the leash, a dash toward the sidewalk. Dogs always have patterns, for everything they do. Look back. You’re not out more than half an hour usually anyway. And if you’re in a dog run, you don’t really have to have eye contact with the person you’re gabbing with. Figure out the pattern, clean up the poop. It’s simple and it makes everyone happy. Or, at the very least, not disgusted. That goes a long way toward reducing the number of folks who hate dogs and dog owners. Consider this a lobbying effort.

Time to Get Started

I’ve been meaning to start this blog for some time, but it seems like it always takes an extraordinary event to spur action. Like the awful intersection about which people say, “there needs to be a stoplight here or someone is going to get killed,” the stoplight never gets put in place until someone is actually mowed down.

The stoplight in this case is proper dog handling. And the sad, unfortunate victim is Tinkerbell, the tiny, beloved Chihuahua who was frequently seen unpretentiously peeking out of a handbag, looking like a dwarf deer, her enormous brown eyes darting about curiously, yet cautiously.

What happened seems to have begun innocently enough: a group of dog owners were walking through the west side of Stuyvesant Square Park, near the Rutherford Street entrance, in the shadow of St. George’s Cathedral. They were approached by a German Shorthair Pointer, a new member of the community, an eight year old rescue from the country. The dog was acquired following the death in the same household of another German Shorthair, Buster, a long-time, three-legged cancer survivor with a lovely disposition. All dogs involved were on leash. Two of the three dogs in the first group excitedly approached the Pointer, who pulled forward to greet them, all of them familiar with one another. However, the Pointer spied the tiny Tinkerbell and apparently mistook her for park wildlife, grabbing her with lightening quickness, and shaking her as if she were a squirrel to be dispatched. A passing dog owner attempted to intervene and managed to kick the Pointer into dropping the seriously wounded Tinkerbell. She was rushed by car to Gramercy Veterinary Hospital, but bled to death from a bite into her heart before she could be saved.

The net result of all this is several broken, shattered hearts; anger; finger pointing; and questions about how to keep such a tragedy from occurring again. This is where this blog gets involved.

As a dog owner, walker and behavior modification specialist, I spend my day watching people mishandle their dogs. One might suggest that so long as no one treats their pet cruelly, they have a right to do as they please. Not so. By virtue of being a dog owner and, of necessity, walking that dog in public, one is forced into interactions with other individuals, dog owners and dogs themselves. Therefore, as there are ethical rules that govern our interactions with each other, there needs to be an understanding of ethics involved in handling our dogs and interacting with others handling dogs. This goes not only for dog owners, but for individuals without dogs who would like to interact with those who are handling dogs.