Treats and Tribulations

First of all, in this entry I would like to thank all my readers (I can’t believe how many already!) for their feedback and support. It is wonderful encouragement and underlines for me the need to put this information out there. I guess this whole thing was borne out of the fact that dog walkers and owners frequently share these very common gripes with one another. I therefore am going to try to address, as often as possible, the issues you, gentle readers, bring up. To wit, reader (dog-ettiquist?) Allison writes and asks if I can’t address the issue of those who feed your dog, unprovoked, uninvited. “How can you keep your dog from gaining weight (and learning bad habits) . . .” she asks. Excellent question. Here are my thoughts and suggestions:

It’s important, at the very first, that we understand that treats are given with nothing but the very best intentions. For many of us, treats are the way to our hearts. This goes doubly (or more) for most dogs. We are a culture of love through nourishment. So, let’s all just stop ourselves a second before releasing the explosive outburst we have bubbling up (“What are you thinking! You can’t just give food to my dog without asking! What if I did that to your kid?!”). On the other hand, for those who find it necessary to feed these poor, undernourished, begging beasts, just what in the hell are you thinking?! We have all spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars (those of you with young dogs are still in the hundreds, probably) at the vet trying to rid our buddy of the diarrhea that kept us both up all night. How can you know if the dog you’re about to snack up doesn’t have chronic colitis, obesity issues, a begging problem (guilty!) or a bad reaction to certain kinds of treats? The answer is: you can’t. So don’t. Resist the temptation. But, if you must, before you even take the treat out of your pocket, look the owner squarely in the eye and ASK FIRST! Honestly, you could be sticking the owner with an enormous vet bill and the dog with ghastly discomfort. Satisfy your nurturing instincts either with permission or elsewhere. This isn’t like giving the fat neighbor kid yet another delicious chocolate. It’s potentially much more serious.

And this goes doubly for treats in the dog run. The list of problems grows greater here. Seriously, don’t bring treats to the dog run. If you’re treat-training your dog, fine. Be discreet. Away from the others, work with your dog, do nothing else, treat no one else. Owners generally don’t keep a sharp eye on their dogs in the run, and you could really be doing some harm. It’s not like the dog’s going to tell you about his restricted diet. I was in the Madison Square dog run once when a clearly emotionally unstable man came into the run, sans dog, with a rather sizeable bag of hot dogs to dole out. Fortunately, sharp eyes stopped him immediately. But, think about it. He could have had some sort of vendetta and loaded the hotdogs with even more unsavory ingredients than normal, with catastrophic results. Treats in the dog run is a no-no.

As for you morons who actually bring your own meal into the dog run and then complain when the dogs maul you for a bite of your Egg McMufin – are you f***ing kidding?! NO! Don’t even think of it. There’s no better way to start an all-out dog riot. And, if you’re that stupid, don’t you dare complain. That’s the dogs’ park. The one place they have in the city where their rights come first. It's actually posted on the front gate that food is not permitted, duh, but you shouldn't have to be told. I think they actually have a right to devour your entire hand if you dare to nosh in their playpen. Ever see the movie Grizzly Man? Yeah, you get the idea.

So, since people are going to continue to try to feed your dog whether or not they read this blog, here’s your easy way out. Just say, “I’m sorry, my dog has a nasty bout of diarrhea. She can’t have treats right now.” Yep, it’s a showstopper. People immediately lose their enthusiasm when you drop the D word. Everybody gets it. ‘Nuff said.